A sequence of events has played out lately that I could easily have been happy not to have gone through in the first place. However, I've seen how God uses these moments to lead us to what really needs to be taken care of.
It all started about 5 months ago when I found a lump in my armpit. The fears of breast cancer had suddenly come into my home and into me and there were a series of panic...pray...panic...pray moments. I kept this new information between me, My Father, my husband and my doctor because I felt it was too big to cause panic over and it possibly not be anything. The thought was that it could be an infected follicle, but two months had gone by, I had well finished the antibiotics that my doctor had given me and the lump was still there. I was stubborn, and I refused to go back to the doctor; mostly out of a fear of the process, not so much the problem. Those closest to me will understand that the most.
I've witnessed miracles first hand and I know the power of prayer and, finally, I had "Had it". I was in the shower, and as I had every day, I checked the lump to see if it was smaller, but like every other day before, it wasn't and I quickly became overwhelmed and consumed with fear. A dear friend of mine says, "What is deep inside you will come out under pressure." Suddenly, out of complete frustration and determination, I started speaking to this lump as if it had ears to hear me and I began to take the authority that Christ had given me and commanded it to go in Jesus name. The next morning....let me say it again because of its awesomeness...the next morning it was completely gone. Praise God!
A few more days went by, and I continued to check...call me a doubting Thomas if you will, but I really was in amazement that it was gone. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and gave it all a good hard look. Gone completely!! What I did notice, however, in all my contorting and looking this way and that, was a red mole on the back of my arm that was about 3mm. "Hmmm, interesting," I thought. Made a mental note to myself that it was red and that it probably wasn't a good thing, and decided to go on with things as usual. Frankly, I had my fill of worry for the year, and I didn't intend moving on to anything new.
I've had a very difficult time lately losing weight, and I thought that with the family history of diabetes and other things, that I probably should get things checked out. My doctor visit went well, and he set up some blood work and then asked if there was anything else he could help me with. Totally a side thought, I said, "Oh, well, I've got this mole that you could look at." He checked it out and didn't like that it was so red. He suggested a couple weeks of hydrocortisone and then we would see if it got smaller.
Wellll, it didn't. Two weeks later, he ended up removing the mole and routinely sent it away to have it examined. Two more weeks later, he gave me a call to tell me that it had been sent to a specialist. I said, "Well, you know, I am special." He laughed a bit and agreed that I was, then proceeded to tell me the results came back and that it was a precancerous melanoma. This wasn't the news I wanted to hear. This was supposed to be simple and easy. If it was bad, it was supposed to be gone with the biopsy anyway. He had consulted two dermatologists and the suggestion was to take a bigger sample to make sure that he had got it all.
"How much bigger?" was my question. About a 1" x 3/4" area. Now, I am sure there are some of you out there that have had worse, and I don't want to pretend that this was bigger than it was. I, however, have a horrible ability to picture everything and play it out over and over before it ever happens. SOOooo to me, it could easily have been half my arm or a finger!
My procedure was this past Tuesday, but I sure didn't sleep a wink on Monday night. My wonderful husband took the day off to take me to the doctor to have it done. I think he took me mostly out of support, but also because he knew that I was terrified and that my "fight or flight" instinct might kick in. Again, those who know me know that I'm more afraid of the process than the problem. I was called back from the waiting room and I made sure that they knew there was a baby out there that needed their attention and I would be happy to let him go first. When I got in the examination room the doctor's assistant asked if I was the baby. Urgg.
I have the greatest doctor and he has the best staff. He has an amazing ability to make you feel comfortable and to keep things light, especially when he knows you're scared. His assistant cracks me up too. She is the sweetest and funniest woman ever and I was so glad that she came in for moral support while he took the biopsy. (She's the one that called me a baby!!) She held my hand and Daryn held my feet. Again, he knows me...I'll run! I told them it wasn't a big deal-- I had already been through it all 100 times the night before. Really, I was sweating like a pig and couldn't wait for it to be over.
The doctor did a great job, and it was like a pow wow talking about families and parenting. At times I laughed so hard I had to tell them to stop because I knew I was wiggling. The doctor jokingly admitted that humidity had gone up in the room and used the door as a fan to cool me off. He's so sweet.
4 stitches later, a lot of aching in my arm and telling my kids to keep a two foot radius from my left side (like that's happened), I waited for my results. My doctor gave me a call yesterday and with great enthusiasm said that he had got it all. WOOOHOOO!!! I have finally taken some good deep breaths and I'm thankful it's all over. (There I go again....BIG deep breaths!)
To sum all this up, I'm praising God and thanking Him for that lump in my arm pit. See, I know that I would never have looked at the back of my arm if it hadn't been there. To be more exact, if it hadn't gone away and I didn't go looking for it in the mirror.
Now, I haven't quite begun to figure out God and how He works... but this I know..He says, all things come together for the good of those who love Him and nothing can separate us from that love. Romans 8:28-39 Boy, I really Love HIM... He knew there was something bigger that needed taking care of. He knew that I totally had to lean on Him to even get through the doctor's door on Tuesday. When I couldn't sleep on Monday, I would start to think about the cutting and stitching and the only thing that would get my mind off it would be just to say, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus again and again.
Be encouraged today! I know there is someone out there going through way worse things than this and sometimes we've walked in that faith and that healing hasn't come yet. Be confident in this...God is good...He is Good! The things that come against us will not consume us, in Jesus name.